Avengers Ensemble
by Pixelframe
Summary: Collection of shorts involving all our favourite heroes, most being light hearted and humorous. Anthology. Enjoy.
1. Breakfast

_A/N: Banner (Hulk), Stark (Iron Man), Thor and Rogers (Captain America)_

**Breakfast**

The mess hall doors slid open and Bruce slumped through, hair lopsided, a hand scratched the side of his khakis.

Thor raised his glass of juice, smiling through his stuffed mouth. "Guuf monin!"

Swerving in his chair, Tony looked the scientist up and down and scratched his brow. "Did you even make it out of the lab? Or did you just fall asleep on the floor?"

Bruce's eyes darted to the box of donuts on the table. "I usually try to fall on my side so the blood circulation, that doesn't reach my arm, eventually wakes me up."

The super soldier at the counter, stirred his coffee, head slowly nodded. It wasn't good to look confused _all_ the time.

Thor outstretched a palm to the box. "Sit. Eat. These round sweets are marvelous." He turned a curious eye to Tony. "But why do they have holes in their centers?"

"Well," Tony slid an index finger through a chocolate glaze, "about a thousand years ago, give or take a few centuries, it is said the wife of a warrior had baked for him delicious round sweets just before he rode off into a great battle. When his body was returned to her, she found the spear that had pierced his side, had also pierced one of the sweets _directly_ in the middle. To honor her husband's bravery, she cut out the center of everything she baked. And so," he took a large bite from it, "mankind was blessed with the donut."

His eyes narrowed on Tony for a long moment. Lips parted. "Truly... remarkable."

Tony licked his fingers. "Thought you'd like it."

Bruce slowly shook his head as he opened the box. He took a moment to browse the selection and frowned. "Why is there no maple?"

Steve Rogers' head lifted from his mug. "They come in maple now?"

"Yeah, I remember _I_ was the one who suggested maple."

"Well there's your problem," Tony said, "you should have demanded it instead."

Bruce looked around the room. "I'm in there slaving over gamma radiation numbers, and you guys don't have the decency to add _MAPLE?_"

Stark's eyes widened. "Okay... let's just ca–"

"Don't tell me to calm down Tony."

"Alright, okay. You know, it's funny. I actually don't remember you–" Bruce's glare intensified. "I'll just slip on my suit and zip on down to the bakers."

A fist formed on the table. "Not good enough Tony."

Stark's palms came together. "Well, Bruce, what, what would make you happy right now and not turn into a hideous– handsome, handsome green monster."

His glare swerved to Thor. The thunder God's smirk died. "_You_ go with him."

Thor frowned. "Well why do _I_ have to go?"

Tony grabbed his arm. "Leaving. We are leaving now."

The pair swiftly exited through the door, and Steve set his mug on the table. "Really like those maple donuts don't you?"

Bruce opened the box again. "Wouldn't know actually. Never had them before." The angry tone wasn't even on radar anymore.

Steve eyed the remaining donuts and raised a brow.

"I like the rainbow sprinkled ones." Bruce's smile was bashful. "Loved them ever since I was a kid you know?" With a sprinkled donut between fingers and the box under his arm, he made his way to the door. "I'll be in the lab."

Rogers brought the mug to his lips and shook his head smiling.


	2. Thanksgiving

_A/N: Have a delicious Thanksgiving everyone!_

**Thanksgiving**

Captain Rogers looked down at the bread pudding he was handed. "Remind me again why we're doing this at my home instead of the multi-million dollar mansion?" He raised a hand and smiled. "Correction. Multi-billion dollar mansion."

"Well because." Pepper gave a charming smile and looked around. "It has that homey American feel. Also," she raised a finger. "If the boys get a little rowdy around the turkey and end up creating a miniature warzone, it'll be less expensive to repair the damages."

He tilted his head. "You _do_ plan ahead don't you?"

"Don't get me started. I've already prepared letters to fifty different nations explaining why the strange things they see in the sky aren't alien invaders but Tony Stark's imagination on overdrive." Her gaze shifted past him, and her smile widened.

Rogers felt an arm wrap around his shoulders.

"Pepper." Stark moved his mustache side to side.

"Mr. Stark," she said. "I've gotta say, I am very surprised you went through with this."

"Basting those breasts was a daunting task at first. But you know, I got through it."

Steve rubbed the underside of his nose. "He knocked a candle over and it fell into a vat of grease, lighting the turkey on fire."

Pepper cupped her mouth.

Tony coughed through his fist. "Oh good, you brought bread pudding."

The trio entered the dining room that was prepared like a banquet. Three turkeys laid at the center, one a lot blacker than the others. The large guest list required a few extra chairs to be shoved under the table. The lack of elbow room was quite noticeable.

Banner had his finger tips together and was staring at the turkeys. "I guess the one on the right is mine."

"Then I shall have the crispier one," Thor bellowed. "Charred meat is good for the heart."

Natasha frowned. "Not so much."

"Guys take it easy," Rogers said. "There's more than just turkey on the table."

Clint passed a bowl of mashed turnips to Fury. "Turnips sir?"

Fury stared at him a long moment, then took the bowl. "It's Thanksgiving Clint. You call me sir again, and I'm going to fling my stuffing at you with my spoon."

Rogers watched in bewilderment as everyone grabbed at the food like hungry savages. He cleared his throat. "So, who would like to say grace?"

Thor's fist slammed the table and everyone's food fell off their forks. "Yes! We must say some words before our feast." He held his wine glass high and it shattered between his fingers. He looked down at the mess and frowned. "Such fragile things."

Natasha picked a piece of glass out from her mashed potatoes and flicked it over her shoulder.

Thor continued. "Nick Fury brought us together during a time of war. We come from distant galaxies," he looked at Rogers, "we come from different times. But now we find ourselves here. Together. Never would I have thought such a world could defend itself against the hostilities of the universe." His smile dimmed to apprehension. "How wrong I was. We are no longer only soldiers who fought side by side. We are comrades, and I am more than happy to drink to each and every one of you."

Glasses raised. Steve grinned and gave a solid nod to Thor. They were strange, crazy, reckless and unkempt, and he was ever grateful to have met them.


	3. Holiday Shopping

_A/N: Sorry another civi-holiday special. I'll stop soon I swear :/_

_Clint, Natasha, Tony_

**Holiday Shopping**

Clint Barton rubbed his chin as he scanned the surrounding area. He quickly estimated there were around a hundred and twenty people walking around him like a swarm of ants, most likely quadruple that number in gift bags, and he had captured all thirty-three visible store names to memory. With all of the data he collected, he still had no idea what the hell he was doing.

Clint finally groaned, eyelids lowered. "Shoot me now."

Natasha lifted her upper lip. "Seriously? It's been like ten minutes and you're already acting like a mall-leashed husband." With her green, v-collared, blouse and red lipstick, she looked far too Christmassy. She wiped off lint from the shoulders of his jacket. Her eyes narrowed. "We find the target, we go in, we take it out. Just like a mission." She looked around at the stores. "Many, many missions..."

Her gaze elsewhere, Clint slowly shook his head at her inane analogy and the fact she said it with a straight face. Despite Natasha not being like most women, he was convinced she still carried those primal urges to shop for things she didn't need.

She tapped her lips. "Let's go to Futureshop. Rogers needs a computer."

"The man can't even figure out his cell phone, how's he supposed to use a computer?"

She shrugged. "Don't know, but...wouldn't it be interesting to see him try?"

He slowly grinned. "Good idea."

A family with a large group of kids were walking towards Clint head on. Seeing no way around them, he decided to squeeze through a gap between two boys. Clint was almost through until he felt something cold and slimy touch his crotch. One of the kids was holding a vanilla ice cream cone, part of which was now smeared onto the crotch of his black pants. The boy giggled like a woodpecker and then continued on his way.

Natasha sputtered a laugh behind her hand. "Here I have napkins. Let me–"

Clint grabbed the napkins before her hand got too close. "Jesus Nat, I got it," he said trying not to make a scene. "We better finish our shopping today, 'cause there's no way I'm coming back."

She smiled and hooked their arms together. "Comon Grinchy. I think I see an Armani Exchange. What do you think? Would Banner look better in black or grey?"

He frowned. "Before or after he tears it to shreds?"

Natasha's eyes flashed over his shoulder. She squinted, then her eyes widened again. "I _don't_ believe it."

"What?" Clint spun around. He scanned the faces ahead, his gaze stopping on a man wearing sun glasses and a dark grey suit with a red tie. The man looked strangely out of place, more like a regional store manager on a visit than a customer. He had a hand in his pocket, the other held up a two piece lingerie set. A blonde woman was unaware as the suited man behind her attempted to use her as a model to size the outfit.

"Is that–"

"Tony Stark," she finished.

They stood there scowling at each other for a long moment.

As they approached, Tony turned around and, with a finger, lowered his glasses. He made a welcoming smile. "Well, isn't this awkward."

Natasha crossed her arms. "Knickers 'n Lace Stark? Isn't it just a _little_ too early in the season to be cross-dressing?"

"Believe it or not," Tony said stroking his tie, "I have someone else's interests in mind."

"Don't you have like, servants for this sort of thing?" Clint asked.

He swung to Clint and gave a nod. "Normally yes. This time however, Pepper wanted me to pick out her gift personally. She said it would be good for our _relationship_...or whatever, which is ludicrous."

She shook her head. "Well look at you Tony. Actually doing what you're told for a change."

Clint flicked his wrist and made a whiplash sound.

Tony rubbed his bottom lip between his thumb and finger. His gaze lowered to Clint's pants, which still had a dark wet stain on the crotch. "What do we have here? Got a little too excited when we walked into the lingerie store Clinty?"

Clint made a humoured sneer that made Natasha chuckle. "We were actually on our way to get some things for our two mutant heroes." He paused. "I don't know what the heck we can get for Thor."

Natasha shrugged. "Human sacrifice?"

"Well whatever you get him, make sure it isn't shampoo."

She frowned at Stark. "Why, what's wrong with shampoo?"

"Nothing..." Tony scratched his cheek. "I...got him shampoo. The kind that makes hair shiny and soft."

The assassins stared at him.

"You...got the god of thunder _shampoo_?" Clint said in a half chuckle.

"Actually it's a shampoo, conditioner and colourizer all in one." He paused to study their puzzled expressions. "Did I mention it's really, _really_ expensive?"

"That's actually not a bad idea," Natasha said. "A man like that standing tall, long golden locks waving in the wind. A girl could definitely fall for that."

Clint smirked. "So that's what you want for Christmas then? A male escort in Thor cosplay?"

Tony gestured his hand. "That was totally my idea for Rogers."

Their conversation was abruptly interrupted when a group of scantily dressed girls surrounded Tony in a fit of giggles and high pitched noises.

"_Oh my god! Tony! Can you sign me! Anywhere I don't care!"_

"_I think it's so attractive that you're partly made of iron!"_

The mob pushed Clint and Natasha backwards and nearly out of the store.

"I guess we better leave before we become part of the trampled confetti that's about to break out for the party here," Natasha droned.

One of the screaming girls turned around and faced Clint. Her eyes widened psychotically. Clint was more or less frightened.

"You! That chin! Those arms! You must be Captain America!"

Clint's eyes shifted sideways to Natasha who raised both eyebrows and smirked.

"Actually I..." He paused as more faces turned to him. "I sure am..."

It's not like there were any news broadcasters around, although there were a lot of cell phones. Shopping was pretty craptastic, but being Captain America for a day was an opportunity he wouldn't miss. It would certainly prove entertaining once Rogers found out.

* * *

_I had no idea how to end this :/ Hope you liked this one, but somehow I feel I will never write anything that lives up the first one._


End file.
